The 7 Best Things About Being an Auntie

While I was on maternity leave, I was incredibly lucky to have one of my oldest and best friends come to stay with us for a week-long stay not once, but TWICE. I couldn’t ask for a better BFF or honorary auntie for Beckett, not just because she spoils us both rotten, but because she brings so much joy to our home whenever she comes to visit. I hope that as she’s reading this she starts to cry and realizes that even though having a PhD is a really huge deal and we are all very proud of her that Ontario is simply too far away and she needs to rethink her life choices. JUST KIDDING LAINE, you can go, just don’t forget about us.

While she was here, she helped me work on my blog and she wrote this awesomely accurate and hilarious article and I forced her to let me post it on my blog so you could all read it, too.

GUEST POST: THE 7 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING AN AUNTIE (BY LAINE YOUNG)

I’ve been single for a long time. Most of my friends have come to terms with this and are (finally) no longer trying to set me up with every single person they know. Most of these pals are now married and are heading towards building a clone army (aka: having babies). It seems like most of my friend group from high school is on this path and it puts me in a unique position.

I recently read an article about the value of childless aunts to the families they belong to, whether biological or through friendship.  It got me thinking about my own auntie role with my friend’s children.

Here are the seven best things about being an auntie:

1) You can plan how to avoid your own pregnancy.

While everyone was trying to have babies, they discovered an app that helps track ovulation. Apparently if you follow this, you can plan your impending pregnancy better. As it turns out, you can also use this app for the opposite goal! There’s nothing that cools a man off more after a date than stating, “Sorry, I’m ovulating.”

2) You get to spend money on frivolous child accessories.

As a parent, most folks have to worry about budgeting for the basic necessities, especially when one parent is on leave from work. As an auntie, you can buy that poofy white tutu onesie for the baby because you don’t have to worry about a) the sheer lack of necessity  or b) the stains from copious amounts of food being spilled on it. Also, someone is probably going to take a picture of the baby in the tutu and tag you in it, giving you the public credit on social media. #bestauntieever

3) You can take advantage of the situation to score a rich old sugar daddy.

When your friend asks you to go to the water park in downtown Calgary with her and her baby, you can pop on your finest bikini and show off your sculpted bottom to wealthy passers-by. Hopefully someone will notice you and ask you on a date during their lunch break at their Fortune 500 Company.

4) You finally get to go out for margaritas again.

There’s a point when everyone around you settles down and would rather watch Netflix with their love than hit the bars with their lonely single friend. It becomes harder than Justin Trudeau’s abs to get a girls night organized. However, when these same friends push out a baby and turn into walking zombie versions of themselves,  they actually can’t wait to get out of the house. You just have to dangle a childless night in front of their face and they will rush to put on their Spanx and eyeliner for the first time in 6 months!

5) You can use the baby (and sometimes its parent) to catch Pokemon.

With a child in a stroller,  no one looks at you strangely for hunting down Pokestops and stalking rare Pokemon in people’s back alleys. You might accidentally find yourself walking ten kilometres in search of a Pikachu though, so make sure your Fitbit is ready to collect those valuable steps.

6) You get to watch your friends evolve from University students who can barely heat up their ravioli in the microwave to baby food making gourmet chefs in a matter of months.

It truly is an amazing thing to watch. Plus you get all the baby snuggles you want and then you get to give them back to their parents when they drop an atomic bomb of gourmet baby food crap into their diapers with no notice whatsoever.

7) If you really do end up old and alone, there will probably be some of your friend’s kids that will feel bad enough to visit you on occasion.

You just really hope they aren’t allergic to cats.