Once upon a time I had a delusion that bringing my baby into the shower with me would be a great time-saving alternative to giving him his nightly bath. What could be simpler? He would sit on the floor while I lathered and rinsed, the suds washing over him as he laughed and played at my feet. I should have paid attention to the flashing lights and sirens that were going off somewhere in the back of my mind, but I was probably so sleep-deprived that I took this to be confirmation of what a party it was going to be. I’m sure it’s not impossible to achieve the goal I was setting out to accomplish, but in a shower that’s roughly 4 square feet, I quickly learned that this was not the Pinterest worthy mom hack I thought it was going to be.
Fast forward to last weekend, when I attended one of the four baby showers I have been invited to this summer. As I was hacking up a cantaloupe to resemble the head of a baby (it was adorable, by the way), I thought, “Hey! Wouldn’t it be funny to make a blog post about baby showers and showering with your baby?” but quickly waved this idea off as being silly. When the party was over, I started thinking more about the idea and realized how many of the same themes they actually both share. So, without further adieu, I present to you…
ATTENDING A BABY SHOWER VS. ATTENDING A SHOWER WITH YOUR BABY
Variations on a Theme
At a baby shower, you will be invited to play various games that you would probably rather not, such as “Guess the Mysterious (Melted Chocolate Bar) Contents of the Diaper!” and “Watch the Pregnant Lady Guess Fun Facts About Her Partner Wile Shoving Marshmallows into Her Mouth Until they Pose a Choking Hazard!”.
While showering with your baby, you will also be invited to participate in a variety of fun games such as “Shave Your Legs While Standing on One Foot to Prevent the Baby from Eating Your Razor!”, “Don’t Drop the Baby!”, “How Long Can we Keep the Door Closed?” and “Let’s Flood the Bathroom!”
You can’t have games without prizes! At a baby shower, your successful attempts at the aforementioned games will likely include treats or trinkets thoughtfully selected and wrapped by your gracious host.
Your prizes for attempting to complete a shower with your baby may include one almost completely shaven leg, clean(er) hair than you started with, and/or a freshly rinsed baby, but this is not guaranteed.
3. CHIT CHAT
While attending a baby shower after a night of sleep totalling somewhere around 3 hours, you may begin to wonder if the things you are babbling to the person you’re seated next to are actually making any sense.
While attending a shower with your baby, also after a night of sleep totalling somewhere around 3 hours, you may begin to wonder if you might be crazy because the things your baby is babbling to you are actually making sense.
Welcome to Heaven! At a baby shower, you are sure to be treated with all of the confections you swore you weren’t going to eat because you just started your diet yesterday. But calories don’t count on the weekends, so go ahead and enjoy!
While showering with your baby, there are no snacks for you, but everything has the potential to be eaten by him! Bar of soap with a shampoo chaser, anyone? How about some of that hair that’s about to go down the drain? Yum!
Most baby showers have some type of theme with all of the adorable decorations to match. Nautical cupcakes? Beautiful flowers? Colour coordinated candies? Check. Check. Check.
The shower with your baby has only one theme: Keep your infant entertained for the next 6 minutes so you can wash your greasy hair and sticky body (and possibly his). Decorations may include toys, the shampoo bottle, and a washcloth, but you are not limited to this. Let your creativity run wild!
At the shower, half of the fun is watching the mom/dad/parents to be open the gifts. Bonus points if you yourself are the mom/dad/parents to be and the gifts are for you.
In the shower, the fewer “gifts” you receive, the happier you will be. This is because there are only two attendees at this party and therefore there are no gifts in this scenario. Only poop.
At a baby shower, you will be invited into the beautifully decorated and recently cleaned home of an eager hostess, and will stand in awe of your immaculate surroundings.
In the shower, you will be in the shower. It probably will not have been cleaned in a while. You will stand in awe of the grout that is turning yellow and the soap scum on the glass door.
8. LOOK AT THE BELLY!
Provided that the baby shower you are attending is thrown before the baby is born, there will be plenty of fawning over the beautiful baby belly belonging to the glowing guest of honour.
There are only two bellies in the shower; the adorable one belonging to your baby, and the stretched out one belonging to you. Don’t forget the amazing thing that your belly just did. It grew and stretched to accommodate the life you were creating and knocked over many a lamp and small child in the process. You should be fawning over this one too.